Today I felt overwhelmed.  I had not done all of my coaching commitments.  And I had a three-hour project that needed to be completed today.  I had made a commitment to myself to finish it on January 1st and a commitment to my client to finish it by the seventh. 

My coach took me through the inner freedom method where I accessed my subconscious to gain an understanding of why I wasn't doing things that I knew would benefit me.  At one point in our discussion she said "it's pointless."  My whole body resonated with this phrase.  It's pointless to try for what I want because I won't get it.  This is pretty strong stuff and I didn't know it was going on inside.  In "Inner Freedom" language this is called the survival intention – an approach to the world that protected me when I was young but is now getting in my way.

As a coach writing in my blog I feel a bit vulnerable sharing this with you.  At the same time I know I'm human too and it's important to me to share myself.

My coach and I played with the core intention – the intention that serves me as an adult.  The current draft is "I can have what I want."  However, this isn't quite it because there are other forces at work and I may not get what I want even if I put my best effort into it.  Some still working on the wording.

Then we changed our focus to my current challenge of completing a three-hour project.  I have been trying to do this for the past week and putting it off and putting it off.  We talked over my planned activities for Sunday.  These included having my niece come over to help me with home organization and talking with my friend via Skype.  I coached looked at me, and they soon realized that I wouldn't finish my project if I included these 2 activities.  So I decided to cancel them.  It was a lot easier to do this than I expected.  I then made a plan with my coach to spend 30 min. eating, take a 2 hour nap (I'd been up late the night before), and then work on the project for 3 hours. 

I am writing after I finished my project. I followed the plan and the work just flowed.  I now have a free evening!    

Happy Birthday to Me.  In six or seven years I will be retiring from my city job as an economist.  Hooray!

Every year on my birthday my friend since high school, Becky, and I go out for Birthday and Christmas lunch.  We celebrate her birthday in October, Christmas, and my December birthday.  This year she called on the 30th to say she might have to cancel our lunch if there were complications when her husband had his tooth pulled out the morning of the 31st.  I didn't hear from her so I knew she was coming and I was happy.

But when we got to the lunch place I found out that my 2-for-1 coupon was no longer good because the place had a new owner.  I was surprised at how quickly I reacted negatively and expressed my anger to the staff (without yelling at them).  Then I shifted gear and we had a very nice lunch.  We then stopped off at my pharmacy to pick up some medicine and to get my flu shot.  After I filled out the flu shot paperwork they forgot about me and I finally checked to see what was going on.  They started to say that I should be in line (I had already been in line twice) and then one of the pharmacists said that she was about to call me.  I was mad again and expressed that a bit to the pharmacist and mostly to my friend. again reacting much more quickly than normal.  I got my flu shot and we were ready to leave.  My friend went up to the front to make her purchases and I took 3-4 min. to breathe and check inside.  I noticed that I felt jealous because the end of the social time and the focus on me had come. Becky was going home to take care of her husband.  I don't have a partner right now so I'm not going home to anyone.

After I connected with this place I started to feel better.  When Becky and I returned to my place she asked me if this had been a good lunch and I said yes.  She told me how important it was to both have the lunch and to take care of her husband.  That made me feel special.  And now instead of feeling lonely and unable to take initiative I'm writing in my blog and taking care of some of my work for the city.

Happy New Year, Laurel