I have been exploding with energy since Saturday. This morning, reflecting on it, I saw another piece of what underlies this shift. And it started with something that was very very scary.

I have a therapist. There are things in my past that have needed healing for me to move forward fully and authentically as who I am. This is not your conventional therapy.  This therapist is not a person looking on, he's there with me, connected to me, and holding awareness and safety and possibility and healing. 

About three months ago I became aware of something that I wanted to address.  I had alluded to it in passing in previous sessions.  Yet, I was afraid to come out and talk with him about it.  I was afraid that it would cause problems and mean that I could no longer work with him. This would be quite awful because I have made a lot of progress during our work together. Then about a month ago I did it. I talked to him about this issue. He was so open and accepting. It was an amazing session. 

Instead of causing problems as I had feared, talking to him authentically about the issue the opened up whole new areas of exploration and ways of healing.

And…

I have attended a new church, changed my diet, have more energy resulting from the change diet and am going to a new social group.  So much has changed so quickly. Yesterday I had so much energy that when I missed the bus I didn't want to get in a taxi and so I got on other buses and got myself downtown.  It is 6:45 AM now should be in bed barely able to move but I'm up writing this.

And I am finding answers to how change happens with regards to coaching, and I found this great training because I got up last Saturday and had energy and started exploring Immunity to Change offered free through Harvard Edx. Then, through some miracle I cannot retrace, I found on the internet a West Coast training happening nearby – the first time such training has been offered – and I am going! So much has happened!

What looked like taking a step into the abyss has turned out to be taking a step into freedom. What I thought would happen was simply a story. It was not true. And if I had listened to that story I would not be where I am today.

So much has come together for me in the past week and a half. I am blooming.

I have changed the way I eat – cutting way back on carbohydrates. I call it my energy diet. I got up at 7 AM this morning and I'm not falling asleep at 930 at night. I'm also taking and antibiotics and it has been a particularly exciting weekend.

I went to a new church – a Congregational Church not far from me. It's very liberal and open to a variety of ideas and I really really liked it. I sat down next to Monty after the service and talked with him with confidence. I saw a lot of people there that look like me and that I thought – I would like to be friends with that person.

I am going to a new social group on Tuesday. It meets at the Church, an easy bus ride from my house.

I am going to a training on a faith based version of Immunity to Change.  I have talked to the trainer and it sounds great.

I finally understand how change happens. Listening to Dr. Kegan speak in the Immunity to Change class I heard him say the following "qualitative development… – Moving aspects of thinking and feeling from a place where we are run by them (subject to them) to a place where we can look at them and be in relationship with them – where they are object for us. Awareness. Expanding the client's mindset. My coach suggested to me another approach using inner freedom – where the client becomes an inanimate object and the client as inanimate object asks questions.

When I heard Dr. Kegan explain how change happens, and that this shift must occur for change to be lasting, I was ecstatic. Finally it made sense. This is consistent with my therapy experienced. And it's a deep. I want to go deep with clients.

And I want to become a career coach. There is a training I want to attend to become that.

And what I really want to do is heal people. One way to do that would be to become a psychotherapist so I could heal others as I have been healed.  I wonder what other ways I could be in this world and help heal people? That is why I'm going to become a coach who works with people deeply and earns money that I can put towards my education as a psychotherapist.. So I will go to school after I retire, perhaps continue coaching for income, and become a psychotherapist. Perhaps a certified counselor instead of a mental health counselor. This is my intention. This is my life. This is my passion. I am excited.